Sexual Sins

Dear Friends in Christ,

Of all the blog posts that I have written on here, I may find this to be the most difficult, but just because it is difficult to write about, doesn't mean that I shouldn't write about it. For too long has the difficult teachings of the Catholic Church been ignored by the media, and by a good percentage of practicing and non-practicing Catholics. Even some priests are not free from blame, as some priests refuse to preach the hard teachings of contraception, abortion, and euthanasia, and for that matter, the Church's teaching on pre-marital sex and issues related to that. Now, I am not lumping everybody together, and I have heard priests preach on that, and how refreshing is it to hear that, instead of the usual weekend homily you hear every week?

Today I wish to do some writing on priestly celibacy. This blog had a comment last week that asked the question: "What about men who are sexually active? How can they possibly become a priest? How do priests do it? And who can we look to for spiritual guidance?

The first thing about sexuality that must be stated here is the Church teaching of when sexual intercourse is permissible. Sexual Intercourse is taught to be permissible when a man and a woman who are married engage in it with the end result of there being unity and an openness to new life. Sexual intercourse, or the Marital Act, is done for those two reasons, unity and procreation. This was taught by St. Thomas Aquinas, so this teaching goes back at least 900 years. We must further define the Marital Act: if the end of Marital Act is for an openness to procreation, then we must say that sexual acts that don't have this end cannot, then, be the end of the Marital Act. The most common example of this is oral sex, which, if done solely exclusive and separated from the marital act, is an act not open to procreation, and it is an act not open to union between a man and woman in marriage. These types of sexual acts though, can lead to the marital act, so if these sexual acts act as a precurser to the marital act of sexual intercourse, then they are morally allowed.

The other issue is when a non-married man and woman engage in the sexual act. For them, because it is not done under the context of marriage, they are not giving themselves totally to each other. Sex is to be reserved for those married couples because it is the greatest expression of love that a man and woman can give each other. This is why a priest is ordained. He is spiritually married to the Church so that from that spiritual marriage the Eucharist can come into this world.

Another important thing to consider is the use of pornography and masturbation. This is a big problem in current society, and it has led to the breakup of millions of marriages, and it has led to the downfall of priests. Pornography is the exploitation of women for the purpose of men to be sexually aroused by themself. From pornography comes masturbation, or the self stimulation of oneself for sexual gratification. This is a terribly addictive behavior.

There was a series of brain scans done on men who habitually masturbate and watch pornography, and they compared it to men who were life long cocaine addicts. The amazing thing is that the brain scans came back basically identical. An addiction to pornography is so addicting that it is like cocaine, which from what I hear is one of the most addictive substances known to man. I am not saying this to cause despair in men who have an addiction to pornography, but I am not going to sugar-coat it either. A man who has this problem has a huge battle ahead if he is to become free from this addiction.

Luckily, for those men who have any type of sexual problem, whether it be pre-marital sex, or the use of pornography, or even those men who struggle with homosexuality, we have some important weapons on our side that can help us. The first is the sacraments. I implore you men out there, that when you fall into sexual sin, to immediately go out and find a priest for confession. I have talked to men who struggle with this, and they say that when they fall into pornography, it can be spiritually deadening. It makes them even want to avoid confession because of the shame it makes them feel. Well, let me tell you something, that the priests are just waiting to hear from you. Not breaking the seal of confession, but a priest told me once that pornography and masturbation is the most common type of sin that is confessed by men. Actually, I think I read it in a blog. Wherever I read it, men, if you think you are alone in this struggle, you are not. Therefore, find a priest, and ask him to hear your confession. Confession is probably the biggest tool we have to combat this sin.

Another essential tool we have is the Eucharist. If you have an addiction to pornography, confess your sins, and go to Mass even more often. Go daily, if possible. The more we receive the Lord Jesus in the Most Precious Body and Blood, the more we become like Him in thought and action. We become more God-like. So if there is a big sin on your heart, confess it, and then strive to receive the Eucharist at every moment possible. In addition, find some time to pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Try to attend Eucharistic Adoration. In short, keep yourself close to the Sacraments Jesus gave us for our redemption, for it was at the Cross that poured forth the Sacramental Life of the Church. It was the precious blood of Our Lord that poured forth from His Sacred Side for the Salvation of Mankind.

Now, when you are at prayer, the important thing to do is to pray ernestly for the gift of chastity. Chastity is that virtue which every man and woman practices. It is the use of your sexual gift appropriate to your state in life. It is designed to help us give ourselves to people more. A married couple practices chastity by ordering their love making in the marital act to union and pro-creation. A priest orders his chastity so that there can come from him totally inclusive love for His Church. Instead of having a wife, he has the Church, his spouse, and he is supposed to give himself totally to his Church in a spiritual, non-exclusive way.

We must pray for the grace of chastity. Pray for it every day. For the men who are reading this who are sexually active, there is hope for you. Your first step though is to seek out confession. For God's sake, seek out Confession, where you experience the healing love of God. And when you are forgiven of your sins, go to confession every week, without fail, to continue receiving the graces to live a Christ-filled life. And go to Mass and receive the Eucharist there, and pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament as often as possible, and pray for the grace of chastity.

There is also a great gift that Mary, the Mother of God has given us. The Rosary is a great tool that we have to help us in our sexual struggles. Start praying the Rosary. Go to http://www.militia-immaculata.blogspot.com/ for information on how to pray the Rosary. Praying the Rosary every day is a great way to battle sexual temptation.

There is also spiritual direction. Talking with a priest about your struggles will help you get an idea of what to do as well as a way to combat those sins. Many spiritual directors are specifically trained to assist a man in identifying those things which lead him into sin.

Now, prayer can take you a really long way in one's struggle with sexual temptation. There are other practical things you can do that can help you in your struggle. If the computer is a great temptation, get rid of it. Or, put it in the kitchen at your house, somewhere with high traffic. Don't put your computer in a small back room with the monitor pointed away from the door. If it is there, the temptation will be relentless. Put it in a place where you would be afraid other people would see what you are looking at. But really, if you don't need the computer (and you don't need video games), get rid of it. If you need it for school or work, put it in a public place. I heard a story of a kid once who was 17, and he recognized his addiction to pornography, who asked his parents to move the computer to the kitchen. They did so, but he still struggled. So he actually chewed through the internet wire to prevent himself from looking at it. The parents thought it was a mouse or a rodent! But be creative, and please, don't tell your parents I told you to chew through your internet wires!

There are also many websites that may help you in your porn addiction. The problem with them is that when searching for them, you may also come across an actual porn site and get distracted, and when you have porn on the mind, it isn't a good idea to then get on the internet, even if for a good intention. It is the same idea as not taking an alcoholic to a bar, even if he is the designated driver. The temptation is there. And try not to put yourself in that temptation.

I have focused on pornography, but what about a man who is engaging in sex with his girlfriend? Well first, you must tell the girl that you want to stop having sex and any kind of sexual contact. But sex is like a Lay's Potato Chip, since you probably can't have just one. If the girl is still pressuring you to have sex, you must put your foot down and say no. If that doesn't work, you should probably consider breaking up with her, if she won't respect your beliefs and values. I know a man who broke up with his girlfriend because she had different ideas about sex then he did; he wanted to wait until marriage, and she didn't want to wait.

I know many priests who were major party animals before they went into seminary, and it is through the above suggestions that they were able to repent of their sins and break their addictions to sexual things.

The last thing I wish to mention is the story of a man that I read about. He grew up Christian, but soon abandoned his faith and became a hedonist, getting pleasure in many women in his late teens and early twenties. He was a frequenter of orgies, and he tried to get the most pleasure possible. For him, it was a different woman every night. He soon settled down with one woman, but they never sacramentally married, and they had a child. I know his mother prayed ernestly for him, and she even got other people who knew her son to pray for him. Well, eventually he overcame his unchaste ways, and through the reading of St. Paul in the Bible, was able to be clean of his unchaste ways. I mean, this guy was so far away from the faith, and just totally immersed in every sexual pleasure you can imagine. Now we call him St. Augustine, one of the greatest saints of the Church. And we call his mother St. Monica. We can take St. Augustine as a great example of a man who fell away from the faith and immersed himself in every way sexually possible, and now we call him a saint for his great holiness. If Augustine can do it, anybody can do it. For spiritual reading, consider reading "Confessions" be Saint Augustine. There it is his story up through his conversion, so it can help you get a better understanding of him.

These are my musings regarding sexual sins, ranging from pornography and masturbation to pre-marital sex. This post certainly isn't exhaustive, and if you want more information about something I didn't explcitly cover (or even elaborate on something I did cover), please leave me a comment. You can do so anonymously, and there should be no shame felt about asking a question.

May you remain close to the Sacred Heart of Jesus through the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Saint Augustine, pray for us.

Post written by Bobby Murphy